I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
