So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
