Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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