thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
