when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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