youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
