You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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