she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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