He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
