Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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