before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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