you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
