Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
