This house was built for laser tag.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
