I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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