When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
