He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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