I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
