I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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