this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
