im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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