There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
