what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
