I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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