So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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