After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
