I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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