I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
