i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
