i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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