I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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