His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
