I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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