They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
