i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
