just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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