I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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