i need an iv and a liver transplant
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
