Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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