My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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