whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this hospital has no fireball
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
