I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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