I want to have your abortion
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize