well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
