I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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