she was so not down for the gang bang
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
