yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
