All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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