Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
