i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
