This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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