I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
