bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
