Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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