"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
