Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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