You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
