If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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