Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
